February 2nd 2017 – “They are fucking welcome to each other”

Today I wake up not feeling so strong. Thoughts and images have crept into my head of G on holiday, having a lovely time, while I sit in London in the pissing rain. Today is the day we were going to meet. I have decided not to. I put on my morning meditation, but my mind keeps wandering, it’s not focusing and tuning in.
I need to be prepared for this to happen. And let it happen too. I need to listen to my body and mind and let my feelings wash over me until I’m done, enough, get on with the day.

I decide to send an email back to the ROH lady, explaining how grateful I am she has considered me, but that I’m away for the start date. She replies and says that, understandably, she needs staff to be available for all the dates, but that she may be back in touch at the start of April when the new show starts. It’s all positive. Another connection made.

I sit there for abit looking at the rain, and start to feel down. I decide to put a podcast on, based on the law of attraction, and I unload the dishwasher. I start to get upset… Why is it always on the kitchen floor. Tears start to fill my eyes and then I hear the door go. I wipe my eyes and say hello. It’s my brother popping in.

We don’t have the closest relationship, but weirdly this has brought us closer. He has called to check up on me, I’ve opened up to him about everything that’s happened, and he has really played the older protective brother role quite well.
We have small chit chat, then I tell him about the texts. He says just cut all contact, he’s a prick and doesn’t deserve me. In fact I deserve so much better. It’s nice to talk to my brother for once… We rarely talk about our lives. Plus he really wants to beat the shit out of G. He jokes about me arranging to meet him but actually my brother turns up! (My brother is a 6ft massive policeman, you wouldn’t want to mess with him).
He turned up at the right time, stopped me from crumbling on the kitchen floor, and actually got me talking. It cleared my mind abit, and now I can get on with my day.

I head into town, back to the gym. It was a good work out, I just need to do it more! I wish there was a cheap gym where I live now, would be a lot easier to get the motivation to go.

After the gym I met with my now ex-housemates.
They tell me that G has hardly spoken about it all with them. I knew he wouldn’t. Also that his mum was down and like always says nothing about anything. I’m not surprised. It’s nice to hear that the girl who was on the job with G doesn’t like S at all. She said he’s weird, and fucked up. And that the company has had enough of it all and have closed off to it. Apparently G was actively trying to talk to people, and make sure they thought he was an ok guy. It’s sad really. And that even though G is telling me they aren’t together, that they haven’t decided what it is, that S is going round telling people they are together now.
Also G’s “best friend” has even had enough of talking about it with him.
I don’t think anyone can approve of the situation. They are on their own, and they are fucking welcome to eachother. The pair of fucked up twats.

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