February 5th 2017 – “It was nice to have a tiny feeling of excitement. But that could have been the jäger bombs!”

Long ass day!
Up at 7:30, woken by my alarm. For once I think I could have actually slept through.
Today I’m working on a Hillsong event at the theatre. Hillsong are a religious group, they hold 4 church services over the course of the day. There are no trains for me to get into London, so already the Lord isn’t on my side!
My mum drives me to the nearest tube and I travel in from there.
This is like another BGT day, long, and nothing for me to do. They have their own volunteers doing all the work so we are literally there for health and safety. But this time there are SO many people constantly about that I can’t get a moments peace, or able to sit down. As its a free event there is a flow of people coming in and out. As soon as one service has finished we open the doors to the next audience. Audience? Is that what you’d call them?

While standing in the foyer doing nothing with my friend one of the guys with the pray slips come over. They are all very nice and extremely outgoing. He asked us if we had a moment to pray with him. Now usually I don’t really have time for this sort of thing, but as we are working there and they have been lovely I felt like embracing it all. Why not? Nothing to lose. Religion is something I’ve yet to turn too, maybe it could help. I should be open to new things and experiences.

We had to write down on the slip what we wanted to pray for.
I couldn’t think. Do I put about my relationship? Pray for G? For me? Or is that selfish.
In the end I put that I wanted to pray for love, light and happiness to enter my life and those who I care about.
My friend put she’d like to pray for her friends foot to heal so she can be in ’42nd Street’ in the west end!
So we got in a three person circle and all connected, closed our eyes and he led the prayer. Cue my friend shaking with laughter and trying not too. I was trying to concentrate, and take it seriously. At the end of the day he was doing it for us , no matter what our beliefs. I hope it works, we shall see. The extra support would come in handy.

We get to the third service (all are an hour and half long) I haven’t been able to sit down and chill yet. There are people everywhere. So I nipped up to the changing room and lay down on the floor. I was so tired. It was nice to have some time to chill. My head has been buzzing with so much. Trying not to think of G on a beach having a lovely time, but it’s popping up.

I then for some reason get the urge to work out. I start doing push ups and sit ups. Every little helps. I feel better doing it. And I’m starting to see the effects.

I head back down and people asked where I had been. Oops! I just said I was sitting in and watching the service.

We finally get to the end of the day and we all deserve a well earned drink. So we go to the pub.

Cut to me and my friend being the last ones standing leaving G-A-Y at 3am. What the fuck happened??! Only meant to go out for one. But I had the best night. We laughed so fucking much. I needed this.

Also a guy I quite like from my other job turned up. Not that I wanted to do anything, and I certainly don’t want to enter into any sort of rebound thing at the moment. It was nice to have a tiny feeling of excitement. But that could have been the jäger bombs!

There’s a small flicker of light at the end of this very very long tunnel I’m in.


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