February 7th 2017 – “I hope karma catches him, rips off his head and sh*ts down his neck… The f**king c**t!”

Feeling more human.
I have time to kill this morning as I’ve woken up early. So I decide to do my TRX workout.
I get Spotify on and play some songs while I do it.
It’s flicks to Ella Henderson, ‘Yours’. I stand and listen to it. I start to cry and I just let it happen. I have to, I can’t stop it, or bottle it up. It has to come out when it needs to.

I just keep thinking of them together on a beach. G smiling and not thinking of me at all.
But then again what’s the difference if they are together in Leeds, or Mexico, or London or Canada? They are still together, G has still had an affair and chosen the other guy. Why am I so hung up on the fact they are on holiday together? I guess it’s because it’s happening so fast. And he has yet to face me and deal with breaking up with me first. He’s just jetted off to have a good time. Also, I am the one to share in the adventures, and have holidays with him, that was our favourite thing to do. And now Ive been put on the shelf with no notice. It’s just the most unbelievable behaviour, the cruelest thing that has ever happened to me.
I want everyone to hate him. For him to lose everything. But he won’t. His friends will still be his friends. He will get away with this behaviour. He should be punished. He should be told by everyone how fucking nasty he is. I hope karma catches him, rips off his head and shits down his neck… The fucking cunt!

I carry on my workout and get ready.
I leave for work. I’m not in the strongest of moods today, feeling fragile, and I have to go to work backstage at a show he use to be in. His name is still in costumes, and labels and rails. There is reminders everywhere, not at least the actually show. But it’s a job, a job I need, a job I want. I’m dressing. This is what I asked for and I’m extremely grateful.

In my break I head to meet my friend and we sit and chat. Nothing is changing. I talk about the same thing to everyone. Everyone has the same reaction, that he’s a selfish twat, that I don’t deserve to be treated like this, that he doesn’t deserve me in his life. It’s all the same, but nothing is changing. No one is telling him that. They are just leaving it up to him to do whatever he wants. He won’t hear it from me.

Part of me really wants to talk to his family while he’s away. See what they think, what they know, if they think it’s acceptable behaviour. But again… What’s it going to do?

The fact remains… He doesn’t deserve me in his life… But actually, he doesn’t want me in his life. And that’s killing.

I must must must move on.
I can’t feel like this for months and years like people have told me it would take. I really really can’t. How do people do it? How have all these people in the world gone through heart break and survived? I have so much respect for everyone who has gone through this. I’ve never known what it feels like, but I do now. And I never want to feel it again.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “February 7th 2017 – “I hope karma catches him, rips off his head and sh*ts down his neck… The f**king c**t!”

  1. He told me I was being paranoid and unreasonable. hacknspytech atgmaildotcom showed me that everything he was doing was just standard routine for people who cheat including every other thing in his email,sms and social media messages. Thank you, because without this I would have continued to believe his lies. You gave me peace of mind that I wasn’t making it up,please try him out incase you might need some help because i Basically think we all don’t have to face all these deceit and lies from our spouse and partners.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It is so shocking to experience this pain. There is no preparation for it. I remember sitting in a restaurant with a friend who I hadn’t – and couldn’t – tell. I remember her talking to me and it was like her inane words of telling me about her upcoming event were just floating over my head. I wanted to shout – HUSBAND CHEATED! HE FUCKED ANOTHER! but didn’t. I was so hurt and so angry and so shattered and so unclear of how to just take the next step of life. But I did. And so are you. That’s what you do, ok? Just take that next moment and do the next right thing in that next moment and before you know it you have had lots of moments. I’m so sorry. This pain is real, and enveloping. But you are brave and beautiful. HUGS.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for this! Hearing supportive words for strangers really helps. To know the strength other people have to go through this is inspiring me.
      This comment has actually come at exactly the right time as He had just made a friend of his message me and ask how I would feel if he could contact me. Sadly though it’s just contact to make himself feel better, not because he is retracting his decision! He just wants to ease his guilt… Which won’t help me in any way at all. So what’s the point!?
      Again, thank you for this. I will stay strong, and I will continue to take the next step, and the step after, until I feel myself again, to the point I have moved on and lead a better life.
      I hope you are in that place already!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s