February 14th 2017 – I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a singleton’s Valentine.

The first one in 7 years I’ve spent as single.
I woke up feeling gloomy. Part of me was expecting a message from him today, I don’t know why, wishful thinking! I just want to know he’s thinking of me as much as I am of him. Or is it just me that is finding this difficult.
Hardest thing is knowing that the message on Valentine’s Day that I long for has been sent to someone else. Just over a month ago I was still getting those messages… How has this turned so fast on its head?

I get up and do my morning routine, but it’s interrupted by a message from my head of wardrobe at my dressing job. Can I go in and cover two shows today? I’m up for covering the matinee, but I’ve arranged a meal with friends, I can’t exactly not show up. So I text back with my availability and she welcomes me to come help out for the matinee.

I get ready and pretty much head straight in. I’m looking forward to tonight, I’m so glad I arranged something to do, especially with great friends. We managed to squeeze in and get a table booked at Zedel’s in Piccadilly. I’ve never been there but apparently it’s meant to be lush.

I do my shift which distracts me a lot as I’m doing the track on my own again, this time with an actor who hasn’t been on for this track in ages… So neither of us know which costumes he is meant to have on! But we get through it. One smaller missed cue due to me checking my notes as it happened… I feel bad, as its one of the leads and I know how important it is to get their stuff right. Makes me on edge when I have to dress them, like they know I’m blagging it, which I sort of am. I’ve never done this before and now I’m doing quick changes with leads of a fast paced show. Madness. But I enjoy it a lot.

I can’t wait to finish and just head to meet my mates. I get out and head straight to meet them. We start with a few bottles of prosecco in soho. I was pissed after that and certainly ready for food. Then we head to Zedells. It looks like a Parisian cafè from the outside but you head in and downstairs and it opens up to this elaborate Art Deco restaurant, almost as if you were walking down to dinner on the titanic. But we all know how that ended!
Sad thing is, I walked in and straight away thought how I’d like to take G there!
We sit down and 2 and half hours fly by. We chatted, laughed, drank and ate beautiful food. We could have been anywhere because I was most thankful for the company. Thank you for my amazing friends, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a singletons Valentine.

We were surrounded by couples. In particular a young gay couple that we were loving to watch. They were so cute together. One got up to go to the loo and as he past the other, he grabbed him on the face and kissed him. It was so sweet and loving. It made me smile but die a little inside… Will that ever happen to me again? I want it to happen with G again, that’s the thing. I’m not ready for this to be over yet.

If I’m honest… I really think we are meant to be together. Maybe we need time apart, maybe in years to come we will get back together, but I just know that we are right together.

I listen to Adele all the way home. What a cliche way to end my first single Valentine in 7 years!


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