February 15th 2017 – Ps. Nothing has changed.

I have an audition today, so I’m up early to walk up, warm my voice up and go over the script. I haven’t had long to learn it. It’s only a few scenes so not too bad.
I head in to London with enough time to walk to the venue, find it and grab a drink before hand.
I like to settle into the area, know I’m there with plenty of time, and chill.
I got there in plenty of time… A DAY EARLY!! Oh for fuck sake.
I FUCKED IT!
I can’t believe it, I find the venue and then on the email I see the date and time. I didn’t notice it before as I am SURE my agent said Wed 15th on the phone, as I thought straight away, “oh I must cancel my lunch date with my friend then”. So I cancelled it and didn’t even double check the email.
I am working all day tomorrow so I’m unable to make the time slot.
I phone agent to tell him and he said he will sort it. I can’t believe I’ve done this… I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m usually so on it with punctuality. Actually I still am… Just VERY VERY punctual. A full 24hours punctual.

So, what to do now.
I’ll waste my time and go to the gym.
Then head to get my haircut for my holiday, and then chill with a coffee and my book.
I could also look through my audition script now I might have more time.

My agent calls and has managed to get me in first thing on Friday morning. I have to take it as it was my fault, but that will mean I’m in town on Friday from 10am until my call time at work at 6pm. Another day to fill, thank god I’m use to it.

I head into work and I’m back to dressing the same track solo. I’m getting more confident with it now, needing my notes less and less. And settling in with everyone. I need to find a full time position soon as this will be over by the end of March. I’m sure I will. Positivity.

Ps. Nothing has changed, I’m still thinking about G all day. Just have nothing more to say on the matter right now. Still the same old feelings, the same old missing him, wanting him, feeling like I want to talk to him. But I haven’t. I feel the time will come soon though when I need to… I need the face to face closure, but I need to be strong enough first.

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