February 18th 2017 – Time flies when you’re in the shit!

I get up and start packing, and printing off everything I need for my trip.
I can’t believe how quickly it has all come about, how fast these two months of pure hell have gone. Time flies when you’re in the shit!
I’m heading in early to town as I’ve been offered tickets to see a random one woman show at the soho by my friends from my last cast. The two women who played my mother at different times during the contract. I’m excited to see them as we always have a laugh, and they give the best advice.

We meet at the soho theatre and they already have a bottle of prosecco iced up. Lushes!!
We chat and they say how well I look compared to the last time they saw me. We chatted about what we were up to day to day and then the convo turned to G. Their advice regarding the friend who text me about contact with G, was leave it. It will do me no good whatsoever. It’s all about him at the moment, and him wanting to speak to me is only to ease his feelings, not mine. Why would I want to help him with that.

They express how proud they are of me for playing it the way I am. I’ve not screamed, shouted, called him names, bad mouthed him to anyone, trashed his house, or car, “dissed him on the Internet, coz my mamma told me better than that!” (Survivor – Destiny’s Child).
I’ve played it right. Kept quiet, not contacted him, got on with my life as much as possible and just tried to become stronger.
They said they think that S’s husband is probably being vocal, contacting S, obviously they have a messy divorce to go through. And that G is probably hearing about it and wondering why he hasn’t heard from me, making him think about me even more. It will drive him crazy getting no reaction. Even though I hurt so much, I need to carry on as if my life is great. Make him wonder how I’m still smiling!

It’s nice to hear that people think I’m reacting well to it all, and that they see me as strong. I don’t feel it at times, but bit by bit my strength will grow, and the hurt will lessen, as will my thoughts about him.

We head in to the show, it turns out this play is all about how lonely this woman is, and how the “walrus of loneliness” and “seal of Shame” follow her everywhere. I mean… Hitting a little close to home. At the end they looked at me and we all laughed. Typical.

I head to work… a gig, full of rude people, audience stealing from bars, getting them kicked out, and then having to call the police as they were trying to force their way back in. Turns out they were a notorious gypsy family.
Also we had rude homophobes shouting out at a gay couple getting engaged on stage. People complaining about lights blinding them, the Height of the level…it’s called the UPPER for a reason!!
Couldn’t wait to finish.

I still haven’t replied to the friend… I told her we would speak today, but we haven’t. I don’t know whether to leave it and go on holiday, or would it drive me crazy not knowing what it’s all about? Maybe I’ll call her tomorrow, or text. Would be good to go on holiday excited about the holiday, and not confused and thinking about what I might be coming back to in ten days time. Need to be clear headed (as much as possible) for the holiday.

I’ll sort it tomorrow.


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